The goal of how to discipline kids goes beyond punishment for wrong doing. The real goal of discipline is instilling in your children a sense of what is right and wrong, and helping them to internalize these ideas so that they will make healthy choices for themselves in the future. T
That might seem like a lofty goal when you’re disciplining your toddler, but if you think about it, it’s right on the mark. You want your children to make good choices, appropriate to their age, so you correct them when their behavior doesn’t line up.
But all too often, we find ourselves dealing with the same behaviors over and over again. Many times, that’s because we have punished out children in ways that don’t teach them anything or offer them viable alternatives. But, there is good news. You can learn how to discipline kids effectively, and it isn’t difficult.
Disciplining your kids does not have to be so hard. Give your child the attention when they behave well. Find valuable parental advice here.
Whenever your child displays behavior that needs to be addressed and changed, there are four things you should consider when trying to figure out how to discipline kids in the most effective manner. Those four aspects of all effective discipline are that it is reasonable, respectful, related, and age appropriate.
First, make sure any discipline you want to place on your child is reasonable. Too often, parents take the “bigger club” approach to discipline. Simply put, that means that you look at the behavior and try to make the punishment be more hurtful than the crime was fun. The problem with this is that you can only push it so far before it loses all effectiveness, usually sooner rather than later. Make sure than any discipline is reasonable for what your child did. If you caught him stealing $10 worth of merchandise, make him return it, and make him do $10 worth of work, preferably for the one he stole from or someone who is less fortunate.
Secondly, when considering how to discipline kids, make sure that the discipline you propose is respectful to all people involved. Shaming children seldom produces positive behavior change. While a certain amount of shame may come with the child admitting what she has done wrong, it is counter productive to intentionally make a child feel ashamed of themselves. Rather, your discipline should say to your child, “I think very highly of you, and I expect better behavior from you because I think you are a good kid.”
Third, and in my opinion most importantly, make sure that the discipline you give your kids is related to the behavior you are trying to deal with. Children do not gain the ability to think abstractly until late in their teens. So, making a child do push ups as punishment for having a messy room makes little sense. A better discipline would be to make the child stay home from an activity he had wanted to do and spend the time cleaning his room. The closer your discipline relates to the behavior you want to address, the more likely the child will get your point and change the behavior.
Finally, make sure that your discipline is age appropriate. While older children might understand a certain amount of lecturing, younger ones certainly won’t. Grounding a teenager for a week might be appropriate for certain misbehavior, but try it with a 6 year old, and he probably won’t see the connection to his behaviors. Remember that the younger a child is, the shorter their attention span generally is, so keep discipline shorter and more in the moment for younger children.
Remember, when considering how to discipline your kids, always make it reasonable, respectful, related, and age appropriate.
